Kobold King's Kimchi Stew (two versions!)

Right, so, for the readers that don't know (probably everyone), I live in South Korea. I have for years. It's great. Why? Well, it cost all of 15 USD to go out for a nice meal and a few drinks, going to the doctor costs all of 5 bucks, you only really need a car if if want to go on road trips, and our political scandals are the most hilarious in the entire world.. Seriously, read those. If you don't, you're doing yourself a disservice.

Moving on...

A great Korean dish for large groups on cold days is Kimchi Jjigae (stew). It's hot, hearty, easy to make, and, being a stew, making a lot of it is no harder than making one serving. This one should be a staple for any DM or host that wants dinner to be something people can just snag a bowl of and sit down to play.

There are two ways to make this dish, the cheap and quick or the traditional way. I'll give ya both. Both recipes are for 4 people. And, really, both recipes are cheap, if you don't mind subsitutes

The Cheap and Easy Way

What do I need to make this friggin stew?

..

- 2 strip of thick sliced pork belly (Koreans call it Samgyeopsal, so ask for that if you are at your K-market)

- 1 white onion

- Green onion (optional)

- about 1 cup of kimchi (ask for the spicy stuff)

- 2 healthy spoonfuls of Korean red pepper paste -Gochujang

- 2 more heaping spoonfuls of Korean bean paste - Doenjang

- ginger (about 1 knuckle's worth...unless you have big ass hands. If you have bigass hands use a normal person's knuckle as a measurement, not your own knuckle, you ogre spawn.)

-about 5 shakes of black pepper black pepper

-Red pepper flakes. How much depends on you. 1 spoonful is fairly mild, 5 spoonfuls will give you some real spice.

How do I make this friggin stew?

Man, easy peesey lemon squeezey.

1) Put everything BUT the green onion in a crock pot or slow cooker. Include the kimchi juices. That's the best part, my man.

2) Put enough water into the slow cooker so that all of the ingredients are submerged.

3) Set the slow cooker to low for 6 hours

4) 1 hour before serving, set the slow cooker to high

-alternatively you can leave it on low, but add an hour or two to the time (total of 8-9)

5) After serving, put about half a handful of raw green onion on the top of each bowl

If you don't have a slow cooker, can't be at home early enough to use a slow cooker, or just prefer the old fashioned way you can use the second recipe. It takes a bit more time spent actually cooking, but you can have it ready in under an hour.

The Traditional(ish) Way

What do I need to make this friggin stew

Same stuff. Exact same stuff.

Well, that's a lie. You need rice wine. Sake or soju will both do. Dry white in a clinch.

You only need about 2 shotglasses worth

How do I make this friggin thing?

First, you will need a pretty big pan for this. If you have a skillet or a stirfry pan that's best. All of the ingredients are going to be put into the one cooking dish and then set to boil, so plan accordingly.

1) Put the black pepper sake/soju/wine in a bowl. add the pork belly

2) Let that sit for just a minute or 10

3) While that's marinating put the kimchi into the dish. add the tiniest amount of cooking oil. set it to a simmer for about 3 minutes

4) Add the meat to the bottom of the cooking dish so that it has direct contact with the heat

5) Add everything else BUT the green onion on top of the meat. If you want to add extra stuff like carrot, broccoli, tofu, spinach, kale, or lentils, go for it

6) Add enough water so that all of the ingredients are submerged

7) Crank that friggin burner til your soup is at a serious bowl.

8) Once it reaches a serious bowl, let it be for 5-10 minutes so that the meat on the bottom gets some real heat.

9) After that stir it and add water (just enough to keep the pot at a good bowl. You don't want it turning into a soup) for the next 30 minutes or so. After that, bring it down to a low bowl or simmer until you serve it

-Really it's ready after 15, the extra 15 minutes is to let it get tasty

What if I don't have the Korean Ingredients?

If you don't have the Korean ingredients you're in a bit of a spot.

Gochujang can be ...sorta replaced in a pinch by adding 1 part soy sauce and 2 parts Sriracha chili sauce. If you have the time with this excellent recipe on Critical Mas.

Doenjang is harder. The recipe for homemade doenjang is intense and there aren't many substitutes. Your best best is going going with the same seasonings you would add to your favorite beef chili. It won't taste like kimchi jjiggae but it will be good.

What if I love ramen noodles?

Add the bag and the spices while it is on a high boil but no more than 10 minutes before you serve. If you let them sit in the water too long they soften to a goo.